


Fish

by curiouscorvid (prometheanTactician)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Humour, M/M, Please Don't Take This Seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 18:01:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14550258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prometheanTactician/pseuds/curiouscorvid
Summary: "I'm not saying I want a threesome, but I wouldn't be opposed to it."





	Fish

“I’m not saying I want a threesome-” 

“That’s exactly what you’re saying.”

“-But I wouldn’t be opposed to it!”

Kakuzu sighed harshly as Hidan continued his rambling. They were walking, of course. They were always walking. Time was money and they had things to do, places to be, people to butcher.

“Gotta think of who it’d be though. I mean, I guess it could be just anyone, but things would probably go smoother if it was someone we knew. Someone in Akatsuki! Say, Kakuzu!” Famous last words. Hidan saying ‘say, Kakuzu!’ like that never ended well. Whatever he followed it with was bound to be infuriating, pointless, or both. “If you were gonna fuck an Akatsuki member, who’d it be?”

Kakuzu turned his head slowly and met Hidan’s eyes with a steady gaze, raising an eyebrow. Hidan scowled under the pointed look.

“I meant besides me, you ass! C’mon, humour me!”

“I humour you far more than I should.”

“If you say it’s Kisame, I’m leaving you.” Hidan continued, utterly unbothered by Kakuzu’s refusal to play along.

“Then it’s Kisame.” Came the immediate reply.

“Hey, fuck you!” Indignant as ever, Hidan pointed back at himself with his thumb. “I’m a fuckin’ catch, alright?!”

“Then why would we need to include someone else?” Kakuzu countered, sensing he’d backed Hidan into a proverbial corner. Hidan dropped his hand and blinked, confused by the question. Kakuzu focused once more on the road ahead. “Things are fine the way they are.”

...Did Kakuzu just call him a catch? Did Kakuzu just… compliment him? What the fuck. What the fuck!

“....Yeah. Yeah, maybe they are.” He crossed his arms, looked away, a bit perturbed when he realized the words were genuine.

…

“...It’s not really Kisame though, is it?”

A harsh sigh.

“Because, I mean, I dunno if I can get down with that fish dick. You know I’m into some freaky shit-”

“Yes.”

“-but- shut up- that’s a little too much even for me. And he always smells like fucking brine! If I wanted to hang around the stink of fish I would’ve stayed in the stupid fucking hot water boiler.”

“Hidan, if you don’t shut up, I’m going to kill you.”

“Fuck, I wish you would.” Hidan sighed dreamily, longingly… and then Kakuzu punched him in the face.

At least when he was screaming about a broken nose he wasn’t talking about Kisame’s dick.


End file.
